coffee or tea?

2004-02-29T00:27:00.000-08:00

first sunny weekend in the City after a long, harsh winter

The other day Roberto came over to my place and had my Internet access fixed. From now on, if things go properly, I will be able to write in my blog more regularly. I went later that evening to the Center; haven't been there in years. They had this dancing party from 9 pm to 1 am. Mixed crowd, music that wanted to be somewhat eclectic, quite a few drag-queens, and tons of cruising. What was funny was that in the same time there was a fund raising going on on the 3rd floor, organized by the Radical Fairies; that's a pagan, neo-liberal group of gay people who live in their own world or try to revive the 70s. One guy simply walked out of the building to smoke a cigarette and, other than a few plumes covering his crotch, he wore nothing.
Have been invited to two different brunches today. One was actually a birthday party of an acquaintance of mine at Artipasta; the second one was with Roberto and some of his friends at Nadine's. I had to go to the first one, stay there for a few minutes, leave the present, and head for the second brunch. So there I was with a bunch of gay fellows; interesting conversation about topics ranging from politics, to sex, to movies and music. And since it was such a nice day, we decided to go out for a stroll on Chelsea Piers. The stroll continued with shopping at Tower records that's going out of business soon. Bought two CDs there: Shirley Bassey's “Birthday Concert” and Carl Orff's “Carmina Burana” played by the Cleveland Orchestra. I was just about to buy a DVD too, but changed my mind in the last moment.
One of these weekends I'm planning to go on a cruise around Manhattan; should have done this many years ago. Anyhow, I want to go on one of these cruises and take pictures of the City. If they are any good I might put some on my blog.
On a different token, there is much debate now in the media about legalizing same-sex marriages. It all sounds so fake to me because this is an old problem society should have addressed long time ago. We live in the 21st century in the country that claims to be the “champion of democracy”. It's astonishing that both sides bring this issue into discussion only NOW and during an electoral year. But why should I be surprised? Not that long ago, this country was expressing segregation in other ways: against women, against Japanese Americans, against Blacks, against anti-Vietnam protesters, against people with HIV etc. While most of this segregation has been formally banned from the public speech, it still is extremely prevalent in people's attitudes.
I don't even want to get into that cockamamie story where the President of the US is trying to amend the Constitution in order to restrict and not expand human rights. What's utterly outrageous and preposterous in the same time is that same people who impeached former President Clinton for having an extra-marital affair with “that woman” don't even consider impeaching the current President for so many, much graver errors that are dragging this country into a totally wrong direction.
Let's just hope that nobody will allow the outrage of the last presidential campaign happen again.

2004-02-23T08:15:00.000-08:00

a weekend in the City

Did not see the Icelandic movie; it plays at 2:45. That's an impossible hour! Who on earth goes to the movies that early? But I saw Bertolucci's “The Dreamers” with Roberto. It was not a bad movie, or as he put it, it was “light”. The truth is that if you have certain expectations from something (or somebody) and those expectations were not met, you feel (at least) disappointed. And Bertolucci is one of the directors you have high expectations from. The movie is remarkable for its sexual explicitness and, in this regard, it was interesting to notice the reactions of the audience. Bear in mind this is America which, sexually speaking (to quote Gore Vidal), is extremely conservative.
Lovely dinner afterwards at “Florent”
Later that ight a wonderful surprise as I was watching at home “In The Mood for Love”, a movie that caught my attention right away for its elegance, realism, subtleties, and refinement. I hope I will get the chance another time to say a few more things about this “must-see”.
Sunday I went shopping. Planned to buy quite a few things, but ended up in Sephora that took half of that afternoon. Had dinner in Union Square; French place, but definitely not the same quality as Florent. Enjoyed the appetizer I had, tuna tartar; it was exquisite. Can't say the same thing about the entree. I'm sorry if I spoilt Roberto's mood. It was not in my intentions; besides, I just felt compelled to speak up. At least we had coffee and a nice conversation at “French Roast” in the Village. It was so cold outside. Where is the nice, sunny weather???

2004-02-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

hilarious, yet outrageous...or why New York is not America

The following story is not a scene from “Sex and the City”, but a real story. And it was told to me not long ago by a good friend over dinner. Since I want to protect people's identities, I will not mention any names. I don't think there are too many ways to make it sound less vulgar or less outrageous so here it is...
My friend's neighbor and my friend's friend meet for the first time and have dinner at this posh restaurant and, since they hit it off right away, they decide to hang out together after dinner. They go to this gay bar and, while one of them was getting a hand job or a blow job or whatever in the back of the above-mentioned bar, he couldn't but notice what was going on in the other section of the bar. The remainder of the story involves the go-go boy, a contest for $50, the famous “golden shower” (or “jet d'or” as my European readers might know it) and my friend's neighbor's shoe...

2004-02-19T08:10:00.000-08:00

TGIF

An entire weekend ahead of me...not that long as I would like it to be, nevertheless...I'm planning to do quite a few things...I have to study since I'm well behind my schedule...but I also would like to see some good movies...have a list here of movies I picked from TimeOut magazine I'm interested in: “The Seagull's Laughter” (it would be the first Icelandic movie I see), “Hiding and Seeking” (a documentary that sounds interesting about tolerance and faith after the Holocaust), and “The Dreamers” (a movie directed by Bertolucci)...tonight I hope to see my friend Tomas in which case I will have to go all the way up to Upper East Side...I hope he' going o be able to help me find some answers to a few questions I've been asking myself lately...
I was just about to say that I think I'll be giving up the blog thing pretty soon since I went through hell in the past few weeks trying to get Internet access on my computer to no avail...but just a few moments ago, Roberto called me and told me he would be able to come over to my place tomorrow (Saturday) to help me fix the problem...that was really nice of him since he has no obligation toward me whatsoever and I know he's not particularly thrilled about the whole idea...maybe I won't be forced to give up blogging and maybe I'll be able to keep in touch with my friends from Europe....let's see!

A few hours later; about computers and people

Just got back from Upper East Side where I met Tomas. Had a very nice and deep conversation with him over a Cobb salad about “our joys and sorrows”. Then we chatted a bit about mutual friends and acquaintances. I should call Haddalah and see if we can get together some time, but she's out of town so I'll have to wait until she gets back from California where she went for a bar-mitzvah.
Now I'm at the BigCup in Chelsea; got here trying to get Internet access with my wireless Internet card. Guess what? Doesn't work...after I tried several times to connect with different networks and it didn't work, I ended up disabling my network connections altogether! What a schlamiel! I had to start all over again and finally managed to set up the connections. Now they were back and running, excellent signal, and...still nothing! It was soooo annoying. I speak with the manager of the place to find out what the problem might be, and this 20-something Lower-East-Sidish guy says it's something wrong with my computer. Yeah, right! Why does it always have to be me or something related to me? It turns out the problem is you need to have a Mac in order to get Internet access here! Oy, what a pain in the tuchus! And I'm talking here about problems computers can give you, not people!

2004-02-16T07:58:00.000-08:00

About some principles of dynamics

No, it's not about principles of thermodynamics even if going out, seeing people, and even dating in New York City seems very much like Brownian movement. What I had in mind was about the dynamics of individuals vs. couples. It seems there is a very fine line between individuality and togetherness when one deals with someone else, such a fine line that it makes it very easy for most people to trespass in one way or another; on one side you'll encounter fears and commitment phobias, on the other side of the line you'll find couples that stifle each other's personalities in the most indecent way. And when I say these things I have in mind so many examples of friends and acquaintances both in Europe and here, single or in couple. Most of them have never been even aware there was such a line. Very, very few of these people, when being in a couple, knew how to make individuality and togetherness work. It's all about a certain art that very few people know or want to know, which is the art of the compromise. I will nevertheless not elaborate about my stand on this particular issue since I don't know of anyone who would be interested in knowing it.

2004-02-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

How do we deal with taking risks?

We live in a world that is about threat, violence, and risks. The former two are commonly addressed by the American media, and they got a lot of emphasis since 9/11. Understandably so, since such a violent act on the American soil was hard to even conceive as being possible. Ever since, we're continuously told about all sort of threats and the way the administration acts to “preserve our security”. That's a different topic I wold probably cover some other time.
It's interesting for me to notice the way American society deals with taking risks in general, from traveling to countries that are not on the black list to not being attacked again by terrorists. America is not the only country that has to deal with these vile threats and attacks; Great Britain, and France, and Italy, and Russia, to name only a few, deal with this problem, too. Only their approach is very different. People in those countries are aware of this issue, yet they don't seem so fearful and vengeful, and their governments are not that easy to “pre-empt” all sort of threats, whether fictive or real.
I guess it has very much to do with the way egalitarian societies and individualism, respectively, deal with taking risks. The striking difference between America and any of the above-mentioned countries is that American society is less egalitarian and more individualistic. And, therefore, it leaves to the individual citizen the task of taking risks and deal with its consequences. On an official level, this policy is not acknowledged; furthermore, they came up with this absolutely bizarre concept of “zero-risk society” and its adagio that no risk can go uncompensated. This is one of the explanations to the incredible number of lawsuits that are being filed in the States.

2004-02-15T08:09:00.000-08:00

A long and very nice weekend

Had Indian Friday night and nice conversation, then watched a few more episodes of “Sex and the City”...next morning made plans to go Sunday to Philly...and actually went the next day to Philadelphia...interesting city, definitely a different scenery...old colonial architecture...freezing cold...nice dinner at Valanni...ended up spending the same evening in two gay bars in the City...first one, Avalon, is located inside a church...didn't impress me that much...very young crowd...ran into an Italian who spoke Danish and understood Swedish..now what are the odds of me running into this kind of guy? And now what are the odds of running into this guy who also knows Roberto's roommate since grad school in Rhode Island? I guess this could only happen in New York...the second club, “The Park”, is probably the liveliest I've been to...huge, eclectic crowd, and a huge space with bar, restaurant, stages for drag-queen shows, fireplace, dancing floors, patio, deck, etc.
A week of work ahead of me now... a lot of stress at work and a lot of things to study...I'm looking forward to finish the book of Ob-Gyn...I remember when I had to study it in school, kind of left psychic scars...I also started taking simulated tests on the computer...there is room for improvement...I have a few errands to run...going to the consulate, getting some notarized translations done, submitting some applications, getting the paperwork ready for taxes...have to finally troubleshoot the problem with one of the computers that doesn't recognize the router even if the former was properly configured...also have a list of movies I want to see...I'm going to tell you more about them once I see them...

2004-02-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

other people

I ran recently into a few guys...let's take them one by one and see who's who!
One of them is very good-looking, keeps flirting with me every time when we meet...he's a teacher, lives in probably the only Republican borough of New York (I don't think he's one of them, though), with a degree in computer sciences. A friend noticed he's quite attracted to me. Doesn't have a very inspired name, but then again, one shouldn't judge people by their names, looks, or the places they come from.
Another one is this guy from South Africa I first met long time ago (must have been last year in May or June); he runs into me last November when he started talking to me in a manner that wanted to be more than social. I can't say it made me feel very comfortable the whole situation, but it was not his fault. Months later, he runs into me again and asked me if I'd be interested to go out with him have dinner somewhere. He's in his late 30, well-built, he's a chef; I guess it would work fine if I'd want a no-strings-attached-fuck buddy-kind of experience.
The third one (this is not necessarily the chronological order I met them) is this guy who lives in my neighborhood, half-Jewish, half-Italian (shouldn't this combo make me think over?), who works in marketing, and cruised me long time ago (last year in Spring) at the library. And then tried to hump me in front of my coffee shop (hey, this is New York, it could happen to anybody). This one is trouble; too much repression leading to too many disinhibitions.
Do I want to see them again? Don't mind! Am I actively looking for their company? Not yet, no, and no.

2004-02-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

To the author of this blog

Sublimate, sublimate, sublimate!

2004-02-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

It did happen

Roberto and I broke up. Another chapter of what apparently is my life as a serial monogamist came to an end. We both agreed to move our relationship and put it on the friendship shelf.

2004-02-05T07:59:00.001-08:00

Mixed feelings...

“'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all”
Lord Tennyson's verses came into my mind because in a conversation I had not long ago with a friend of mine, she told me she strongly agrees with them. Hmmm...

2004-02-05T07:59:00.000-08:00

Mixed feelings...

“'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all”
I bring up these verses by Lord Tennyson because in a conversation I had a while ago with a friend of mine, she told me she strongly agrees with them. Hmmm...

2004-01-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

Very special day
It's Sunday morning...and it's my mother's birthday...I miss her terribly..I don't think there are too many words to describe the way I feel...but I don't think I exaggerate when I say there hasn't been a day in the past 21 years I haven't thought of her in one way or another...She will always be the most significant person in life... I'm quite tired because I didn't sleep that much last night...couldn't...I can't say I spent the weekend the way I thought I would or that it was a particularly happy one either...I felt like crying, but I was unable to... and it felt like I was drowning, and I was the only one who knew it...And in this kind of moments you realize that blogs are not exactly diaries where you can speak up...there is a certain inner censorship that restrains me from doing so...and maybe it's for the better...otherwise, my blog would have become even more tedious and dull... I bought a few books the other night when I went to BAM and that made me really happy for a few moments even if I might not read them for a while: Nabokov's “Lolita”, Noam Chomsky's “Hegemony or Survival “, and “The I Hate Republicans” Reader...

2004-01-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

Friday!!! Another weekend!!! Even if I'm so tired, I feel I'm so happy because I'm off for a couple of days...Don't exactly know what I'm going to do...hope it's going to be fun...I guess I'll do some studying, posing for Roberto, and maybe watching a movie... I wonder how many email messages I got since I haven't checked my email in a week... I got two days ago a few photographs from my dear friend in London...It's been such a nice surprise...it was only days after I had received some other photographs from another dear friend in Bucharest... 18:20 Change of plans: just got a phone call from Roberto... good news and bad news..the good news is the layoffs in his company won't affect him...the bad news is I won't be spending the weekend as I said...I'll probably be staying local...Have a lot of things to do and other things to think about...

2004-01-21T08:27:00.000-08:00

letter to a very dear friend from overseas
January 21st, 2004 There are many reasons people leave their homes, countries, families, and all the loved ones behind, and they head for unknown destinations. Many people do so for monetary reasons; poverty and despair make them make such a decision. Other people do it for someone else's sake which, as noble as it might sound, is a very unwise, often unhealthy thing to do. And some people make this decision because they realize that no matter how much they love everything they are about to leave behind, they are “stuck” meaning they have no prospects and/or don't belong to that place whatsoever. The latter ones are the most likely to succeed in the new life they are about to start. Whatever the new country of destination is going to be, there is no red carpet waiting for anyone. Everybody has to start more or less from scratch. Having some money by the time you move to a different country is not bad, but it definitely doesn't spare you the sorrows and pains you have to endure as a newcomer into a totally different society with sometimes very different sets of values. Moving to another country is most certainly a disruptive experience in someone' s life; you have to look for a job and a place to live, to start building up a new social network, and many times, after you've been forced to admit very painful things about your dearest ones, you have to build again your own private life, too. (If you ask me what I most missed at the beginning of my long odyssey that took me to so remote places, I would tell you I missed friends I could rely on. And because I don't want to be unfair, I must say the very few friends I had at the time either were not in my immediate proximity or distanced themselves from me for reasons that would make the subject of an entirely different letter themselves). Life in another country is definitely taking its toll. It has its own ups and downs (doesn't it have it everywhere else?), it offers no guarantees (does it anywhere else?), it makes you lose friends and make other friends (as anywhere else). It also teaches you, sometimes the hard way, valuable lessons of life you would have otherwise been deprived of . Yet people do it for the reasons mentioned above and so many more. It comes down to how strongly motivated you are and how willing you are to reasonably accept some sacrifices and compromises that need to be made. We all are looking for some steadiness in our lives, yet many of us settle for less or for what one could call dysfunctional steadiness ( “it's better with the evil than without it” philosophy or being satisfied with the status quo ). We all are in the pursuit of happiness and should be entitled to be so. There is an old saying in the Talmud I will paraphrase and that basically says: aren't there enough things life already denies to you? Why do you need to deny yourself more things? I know many of the things I said sound like (and probably are) a cliché; I also know many of the things I said you knew already. Yet I felt somehow compelled to write you a few lines about what I think in this particular matter. This letter is not meant in any way to encourage or discourage you. What you need to understand is this is a very personal and private decision. Nobody, but absolutely nobody should either judge your decision or make this decision for you. They would better respect it, no matter what. Just remember one thing: not taking risks is the greatest risk one could take.

2004-01-21T08:26:00.000-08:00

I'm at the Tea Lounge as usual. This is the place I hang out in my neighborhood. A place where I study, have my numerous coffees, chat, listen to music, meet friends, read, and sometimes I even take naps. It's still hard for me to believe that my schedule doesn't allow me to sleep more than five hours; and now I'm up and ready to go to work. I've scheduled yesterday my big exam for April 15th! Not that much time left... Hope I'm going to be able to do some studying tonight at work if it doesn't get too busy...

2004-01-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

I'm getting ready to go to work; I 'm extremely tired because I woke up around 8 am and I have been studying since. I gave myself a test and I started reviewing the Internal Medicine book which is one of the five books I have to study for my exam. I spent a low-key weekend with Roberto at his place. For the first two days of the weekend, we didn't get out of the apartment because of the arctic weather outside. I posed for him several times; he had to finish a set of drawings. As reluctant as I was at the beginning, I started enjoying it and I came up with all sort of poses. I'm waiting for the time when he will start drawing details; now it's more about contour drawings. I feel bad I gave him a hard time initially; I was upset because having no laptop, I was unable to (re)view the few CDs I got for my exam. And thanks to him, I have now a laptop which makes my life much easier. I was really touched by his gesture. Soon, I hope, I will also get an Internet connection and then I will probably write a little bit more often, if not more regularly. Writing a diary of some kind was a thought I flirted with for quite a while. And when Roberto introduced me to the blog, I got caught into it. It sounded like the diary I was thinking about, only more interactive. I hope that, in time, people will actually start interacting with my blog and not only view it.

2004-01-17T08:24:00.000-08:00

thoughts about last year
R. thinks that I actuallly achieved more than I think I did. Whether this is true or not remains to be seen. Anyhow, what I was planning to write about was the meaningful things I did last year and that I'm aware of. I took and passed the registration exam last June which, on my current scale of values, really meant something to me. It was the first time I earned some credentials of some sort since I moved here and also the first time in a long while when I take an exam. It didn't improve significantly my financial status as one might believe, yet it gave a boost to my self-esteem I seemingly badly needed. The weekend before Labour Day I also met R. I can call this a very happy occurrence for reasons I'm going to elaborate on on a different occasion. And I also went to Montreal on Labour Day weekend. A city I resonate with; a city that became the mental image I have of a getaway when I feel tired, bored, or exceded by the everyday life and hassle in NYC. By and large, it was a happy and quite successful year, I might say, despite all the ups and downs I had to go through.

2004-01-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

Mazel tov!
Mazel tov! After an almost endless struggle to create this blog, here I am ! I didn't think I would ever do this, but it seems it doesn't take me too long to get into something. My boyfriend, who served as my motivation to create this blog, didn't actually need to persuade me to do it since he's been "blogging " to me for the past fortnight or so. Hopefully my entries in this virtual diary will reach in time a certain (weekly?) periodicity. Getting ready for dinner now... Talk to you soon...